A Rebuilding Year or A Rambling Journey

In sports, we often hear the term "rebuilding year." Some experts determine that the potential "success" of the team (the term "success" here is, of course, equated with wins and fame and money and all that jazz) is not likely because of changes in team composition, coaches, or more often than not--nervous newbie rookies outnumbering the mature, cool veterans.  Some hear the term "rebuilding year" and quickly roll their eyes, shake their head, and launch into a heated debate about how, if the coach/manager had been good at his/her job, then no year could possibly be a rebuilding year.

Some lean on the idea that the team has been benched on the sidelines---there to simply get through the game/seasons, not do anything to get themselves injured, and learn from the experts on the field/court/etc.  Being on the sidelines means taking the time to learn and grow.  It's being told and expected that during one season or one year, there is no expectation for "success."  It is like having a free year to take it all in, moment by moment, without anyone watching you carefully, eyeing your every move.  Flying under the radar means that there is ample opportunity to be creative and to take risks.  If no one expects much and no one is dissecting the calls the coach or the team makes, then it is the ultimate chance to try new plays, learn which roles are best played by which people, and set internal goals.  It is a time to really live in the moment while considering the sustainability of the future of the team and the program.  It is a time to allow the natural abilities to be massaged and improved by trusted coaches without the external pressures of everyone else's opinions and ideas about what should be done, how it should be done, and what is wrong with ways things have been done.  It's a chance to just have fun!

I think a lot about what it means to live a healthy, sustainable lifestyle.  Much of what I think and believe and hope that I continue to work to do in my own life is to strengthen my connections.  This means being connected to food and land and water and animals and plants and people and on and on.  And while I would like to think some of this comes naturally, I also think it takes conscious effort.  This brings me to my own idea of a "rebuilding year."

Looking back at the last three years of my life, like a lot of people I know, I can say that I was "busy."  We all are.  Busy working.  Writing.  Studying.  Maintaining relationships.  Being good family members.  Taking care of the mundane details of life.  Setting goals.  Etc. We are all busy.  The last three years I was back in school again.  I consciously made an effort to focus during my three years at several tasks that have lead me to where I am at today.  I always believe that all decisions lead you somewhere, but I can confidently say that where I am today and what I am doing today (in my work life, especially) is a direct result of how I spent my last three years.  Busy.  Working Hard.  Focusing.  But I often consider how sustainable this is for me as a person who wants to feel connected, who believes strongly that actions DO speak louder than words, who feels the need to be a good citizen, who needs to be working in and with my community, who wants to explore new arts, pick up the viola again, try new recipes, find news hiking paths, and tackle the list of the amazing ways life can be spent when you live consciously.  On a day-to-day level, I struggle with how to get the most out of my day without trying to cram the day.  I am nagged by the very real possibility of "not being good enough" or "failing" in some way.  I look back at my focused three years and know that I gave up a lot to be able to be "successful" in the ways that type of success is measured.  I, of course being critical of myself, can look back and say--"The bike sat in storage.  The three boxes of art supplies were covered neatly with a tapestry.  The viola and guitar remained on the top shelf.  The books-to-read were replaced by textbooks I did read.  The container garden did not grow."  And it makes me sad and a bit empty.  That's just the short list. And while I readily admit I am hard on myself and was able to pursue my passions in other ways (and hopefully, at the very least, be a good person and friend), I kind of felt the need to set aside parts of what make me who I am to be able to be where I am.  And it is a weird thing.

That brings me back to my own rebuilding year.  Despite the really easy possibility of continuing on the path of "success" using a method that works, for me, I just know it is not sustainable.  But I like the idea of a "rebuilding year" for two reasons.  First of all, it gives me every opportunity to try new things, to fail, to make mistakes, to figure out my role, to listen and observe, to seek out those people that are doing things I want to emulate, to take the time to get back in touch with myself.  This may sound self-serving, but it is the opposite.  I strongly believe that in order to be the best friend or employee or sister or daughter or partner or dog owner or community member, you need to have a full heart (well, to steal a quote from a favorite show of mine: "Clear eyes, full heart, can't lose!!").  The times in the last few months that I have smiled the most or felt my heart burst with joy or the creative space to think or write or dream or plan, are the times I have been surrounded by conscious people taking action, trying to be better, continuing to improve their own selves so that they can be the best people to others, laughing loudly, appreciating music and art, or serving.  That is why it is part of a sustainable healthy lifestyle.  And it may seem like a luxury to take time for ourselves, but I am pretty sure the people around us would be grateful.  For me, the most freeing part is the idea that if you call it a "rebuilding year," it means that it is the best time for those risks, not over thinking things too much, and just taking every opportunity to get better.

My old pal, Abraham.  Crazy laughing.

The second reason I like the idea of a "rebuilding year" takes a different spin on the concept.  It's really about the idea that after a "rebuilding year," it is likely that the next year will be better--in whatever ways that is defined.  I have witnessed several friends this year declare rebuilding years of their own--friends whose physical bodies have been starving, friends whose organs seem to be magnets for tumors, friends whose lives have been impacted by divorce and death of loved ones.  In life, we all have our own triumphs and tragedies, each impacting us differently.  But the idea that we have the opportunity--when we are ready---when no one is necessarily watching you or no one is expecting much or no one is telling you what you should or should no do, than we can pay attention to what makes us feel fulfilled.  And just do it.  Make time for it.  Figure out a way.  Focus. Have fun!!

So, I declare this one of my rebuilding years.  I am not coming from any hard times and am extremely grateful for my last three years.  But I also know what I need to add to make life better.  But I need to do it.  Besides the actions being taken that I do not know if I will share, I do know I will do one thing.  Slow down and enjoy the moments.  When I do, I feel myself emanating a warm glow.  And I like that feeling.

Last week I had a chance to be in San Diego--away from the clouds and cold of winter in the Midwest.

My friend and I took some time to wonder around, walking 9 miles back and forth across an island, feeling the wind and the warm sun as we traveled the bay by ferry, and noticing the tingly sensation dipping our toes into the cold sand and ocean.  I was playing around with my camera and thought about how awesome it would be if we all went through life like we do when we notice enough to take a picture.

                               
The funky tree in front of the house.

The bushes leaning away from the sun.  The animal tracks we spot on the path.  The friendly smile of someone passing us by.  If only we lived our lives framing our world in the beauty and amazement that if offers, I think many of us would find ourselves more joyful and at peace.

The great aspect of one's own journey is that it can be taken at one's own pace.  It can meander back and forth across time and space.  It can backtrack and jump forward, seem misguided or lost, and then feel comfortable yet again.




This blog post was meant to be a blessing for a great year ahead to each and every one of you.  May you seek your own path, find what sustains you, and be the best you can be in this world.  May we not be too hard on ourselves!  May we treat the earth and all that is a part of the world with respect and love.  And may we be bearers of hope for the future ahead.

Peace,
Michelle